Goodbye, Week Forty-eight. I want nothing to do with you. I don’t want to find the joy in the every day this week like I’ve been trying to do with this picture project. I don’t want to give thanks for all of life’s simple pleasures and blah blah friggin’ blah like I’m supposed to do for Thanksgiving. I just want to curse this god forsaken year and love my cat.
Of course, I look back at my pictures from the beginning of the week and that wasn’t how I felt then. But isn’t that the epitome of this year? I keep trying to stay positive; I keep trying to look at the bright side. I begin each month ready for a fresh start; I start each week telling myself I’m ready to face the challenges it may bring; I get up each morning with a good attitude. And then a week into the month, a few days into the week, halfway through the day, I’m ready to throw in the towel.
Because 2020 keeps pulling me down. And I don’t want to fight with it anymore.
But, of course, life’s a friggin’ mixed bag. And so there were happy moments this week even if the last few days seems to have negated them. They still existed. They were still experienced. And maybe that’s all I can do. Experience them and remember them.
Sunday
This is my lived-in living room. Candle burning, scarf haphazardly left on my pillows, blanket pulled down for my cat to sleep on, notebook open on the table, books piled on the piano… and most importantly, cat sitting there waiting for me to get back on the couch. This is my cozy.
Monday
Tyson is manning the porch for Sam. Sam doesn’t think this is necessary.
Tuesday
We did a zoom Paint and Sip for the community center. Supplies got dropped off on my porch a few hours ahead of time and then I logged in with my hot cocoa by my side and attempted to paint one of the symbols we had to choose from. Per my usual modus operandi when doing things like this, I was still meticulously blending the paint for the damn symbol while everyone else had moved on to and then finished their backgrounds. The supplies were not the highest quality, so I eventually gave up on painting and grabbed a black marker for some zendoodles.
I was explaining the symbol after to Loucy and Ben and it was then that I realized the squiggly lines coming out of the arrow were a mistake.
(For those who aren’t picking up what I’m putting down: The symbol is a combination of the male and female symbols with an e for equal. Traditionally the color blue is associated with boys and pink with girls. I painted the opposite and blended it purple in the middle for everyone in between. The arrow, which is representative of the male side, is painted pink. The arrow points out. Like, you know, traditional male anatomy. And I drew squiggly lines coming out of it. Catch my drift now?)
Wednesday
This is Sam on my stomach after getting his fluids. This face says, “No. More. Cuddle time only now.”
Thursday
Our COVID Thanksgiving was my dad delivering some food my mom made and then staying for a little Pitch and Rummy. It was nice. Chill. Some minimal human contact.
Friday
What a terrible day. What a terrible, terrible day.
He couldn’t even walk when I got him home from the vet. He had an adverse reaction to the sedation. It was probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Looked like Bambi with his legs all splayed. I had to hold food for him because he couldn’t eat properly, and I carried him everywhere because he was falling all over the place.
The fact that this cat wants anything to do with me after the torture I put him through makes me unbelievably grateful for his sweet little soul.
Saturday
This day, was, if possible, worse. I spent the majority of the day cuddling this cat and crying at the news from the vet. Thankfully, in the evening, he started perking up a bit and returning to his old self. Here he is begging for some junk food. Pupils are still dilated and he expounded most of his energy for the day in the fifteen minutes he spent begging and eating, but signs of life are welcome.
When I took a shower because it felt like the only thing that would make the puffiness tiring out my eyes go away, he sat and waited for me. He didn’t climb onto the sink like he usually does, but he sat on the toilet and waited there. A little later he even bellowed to signal bedtime and made me follow him to the bed. I didn’t care that it was 6:30 and not 10:00; I went willingly and read with him curled up by my side. I might not have him much longer, but at least it appears that I’ll have my kitty back for these last few weeks together.