Hello, New Year. Here’s to hoping you’re better than the last.
I’m approaching this year slightly differently. Instead of individual reflections each day and an overview up here, this will be one continuous story with the pictures interspersed.
This week felt like the entire ride of 2020 crammed into a matter of days…
Friday
There were high moments, especially early on. I was still enjoying my vacation and cuddling with my kitten. This is the first year in a very long time that I didn’t ring in the new year with a guitar in hand and Brian at my side. But Sammy and I made do. He snuggled with me while I had a glass of wine and he judged me when I had myself a little dance party.
Saturday
It was a relaxing, quiet start to January. Sure, the pandemic was still raging, but my rapid test from the possible exposure through Brian (when he came to visit Sam) came back negative and I got some fresh air and marveled at how the earth continues to live under the snow.
Sunday
Things started to go down hill when I realized my teapot was deteriorating from the inside out (who knew that could happen??). Little black things were floating in the hot water, and a closer inspection showed the inside of the pot started to flake away. But hey. It was an excuse to purchase myself a new one so I could heat up some water for Mommazzito’s homemade throat cure (A bothersome, non-COVID-related cough has pestered me since November).
Monday
And then, quite suddenly, Sammy lost his energy. He woke up in the morning and seemed to have lost weight overnight. He was weak and tired. I was worried about him when he struggled to walk down the stairs, so I gave him an elevator ride. A little later, though, he ate some food, drank some water, and bounded back up the steps to me. It was a sight that lightened my heart.
I hadn’t realized when I snapped this pic of him that it would be the last time I saw him with any pep.
Tuesday
The following day, he woke tired and weak again. I carried him up and down the stairs and helped him onto the couch… But when I did yoga, he was back to his old tricks, getting in my way “on accident” and making sure I was paying attention to him.
Wednesday
And then Wednesday sent a very 2020-esque curveball at us all. The tRump Cult crossed over from weirdly devout to downright dangerous. Although, really they’ve been dangerous all along. They stormed the Capitol in the early afternoon while the 2020 election results were getting certified, smashed windows, stole from offices, and beat a Capitol police officer who later died from his injuries. Sammy and I watched the thing unfold in real time. It was disgusting.
I stuck with the coverage until about 9:30 at night. Once I heard Senator Hawley say, “irregardless,” I was out. I doom-scrolled through social media most of the rest of the night instead. But in the midst of all that, I posted something on Facebook and Bill Konigsberg liked the post. That means Bill Konigsberg actually follows me!
So the day wasn’t a complete loss.
Thursday
By Thursday, I was overtired. Not from lack of sleep (although I wasn’t sleeping great, either), but from a different type of fatigue. Doom-scrolling takes its toll, being worried about the state of the world takes its toll, trying to teach through a pandemic and an attempted coup takes its toll… But mostly, loving a soul so much that you ride high on simple joys — like feeling him purr in your arms — and dip so low on moments you see him struggling to get comfortable takes its toll.
Friday
By the end of the week, I knew we were nearing the end. He wanted only to be under a tent next to me on the couch, or be in a tent under my legs in the bed.
Saturday
Sam and I spent our last days together cuddling. Saturday would not be his final day on this earth — that would come the following evening. But I tried to provide him with the same level of comfort he brought me every day. And I tried to hold onto hope that he would bounce back, though I knew that was unlikely. So mostly I tried to hold onto hope that he could feel how much he was loved.
At least I was able to be home with him these past several months. If there’s one thing I can be grateful to COVID for, it’s the extra time with my favorite little soul.