The last week of February was fairly eventful. A return to school, a tough decision, a discussion with my neurologist… The discussion went well. The decision about whether to coach lacrosse again this year was difficult, but ultimately I think it’s best if I step back. Having made the decision, I now feel immense relief.
School the first week back from break is always a bit of an adjustment, but I was ready for it… Without school to structure my day, I got a little lost in stagnation during February break— not completely, but a little. Overall, I think I faired pretty well, all things pandemic considered. But by the end of it, I was okay with school starting again.
Sunday
I did try to give myself a nice final-day-of-break breakfast spread on Sunday, but my pancakes turned out like shit. Kitchen appliances and I don’t get along very well.
Monday
The weather was it’s usual Upstate self, snowing one minute and raining the next, eventually warming enough for a run, so between shoveling and jogging, I got a decent amount of fresh air this week.
I also got word my friend’s daughter agreed to be a Beta reader for my novel when the time comes, which is wonderful news. AND I had a few more story breakthroughs, which is STELLAR. What’s less than stellar is that I had to rework the entire timeline of the novel. All that research I did about how many public schools in Manhattan actually have football teams, where fields exist, and how they would hold practice with no field of their own? Yeah. It’s basketball season now.
Tuesday
My dinners this week came out a little better than my pancakes, so that was something to celebrate.
Wednesday
And I got a random sticker in the mail that I did not order from MoveOn. I’ll take it; it’ll look good on my guitar case.
Thursday
I’ll also take the last opportunity to get a massage from Michelle. I haven’t been in about a year because of the pandemic (I haven’t been much of anywhere in about a year), but she’s moving soon, and though getting a massage while masked-up was slightly less relaxing, it was still a nice self-care moment for me.
And I have to say…
I stripped down and hung my clothes on the hooks by the door. There’s a full-length mirror next to them. In my home, I don’t have one of those upstairs where I get ready for my day. I used to pop into the closet of the downstairs spare room to use the mirrored doors whenever I needed a full wardrobe check, but it’s been awhile. I teach through a computer; everyone sees only the shoulders up.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s been a minute since I’ve really looked at my body. Standing completely naked in front of Michelle’s mirror, I took a look from a few different angles. And I don’t know if it was just the lighting, but…
I was happy with what I saw. I can’t remember the last time that was true. I didn’t suck in; my hair wasn’t done; I wore no make-up. Sometimes I feel like I am s t r u u u g g ling to lockdown this life thing, but this moment made me feel great. Not because I looked all that amazing, but because I was happily accepting the way I did look. That’s progress, my friend.
Friday
I’ve been trying to take better care of myself, mentally and physically, and I think it shows… at least I can see it, and that’s all that really matters.
I got outside this week as much as possible for False Spring, going on a THREE MILE RUN on Friday (Go me!). I’ve made writing a priority, I’ve continued to eat better, and I’ve gained a new perspective on teaching. I used to think teaching chose me— that it was something I was born to do. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to literally give all of myself to that role. But teaching didn’t choose me; I chose it. Which means I could have chosen something else— not anything else… I wouldn’t be happy at a desk job (although I kind of have one this year)… I went into teaching because I wanted a meaningful career that would allow me to connect with people, and because I think angsty teens are fun. But again, I chose it. And that means that every day, I am choosing to wake up and teach.
And that’s empowering.
Saturday
This week I took pleasure in a good cup of coffee, in grading reading responses, and in rescuing a scared wooly bear.