I got the second COVID vaccine.
She was a dirty bitch.
Saturday night, about twelve hours after I’d gotten the shot, she slapped me hard. If you’ve ever sprained an ankle, perhaps you’re familiar with the feeling of being swollen, heavy… the dull yet persistent, permeating ache, and the way your ankle protests being used.
That feeling. But everywhere.
Sunday
I took a photo of my journal because I didn’t have the energy to leave my bed most of the day.
Monday
Spent some of the day getting fresh air up north on a walk with my dad and Bailey Boo. Even though I mostly felt better by the end of Sunday, I gave myself an extra day to recuperate. No regrets; I needed the extra sleep in the morning. My whole body just felt so heavy. I probably should have expected to get rather hard, given my autoimmune disease, but I’d naively hoped the side effects would be mild. They were not.
Alas, it’s over for now.
Although I don’t feel at all like I can just go places and am not at all comfortable around people I don’t know if they don’t have masks on… I wonder if that will ever feel okay again?
Tuesday
I tortured myself on Tuesday. I was glued to the news awaiting the Chauvin verdict. I basked in the relieving news for about ten minutes before I decided to watch a documentary about QAnon. This was my face. Because… what???
“I’ve always been an anonymous shit-poster,” someone freely admits. Another woman interviewed in the series states, “I wouldn’t be surprised if the earth was flat.” She said nothing would surprise her because she knows people (and she seems to be insinuating members of the Democratic Party here) eat babies.
I repeat: What???
And then the Twitterverse spread the news that a 16-year-old black girl named Ma’Khia Bryant was shot and killed by police while the Chauvin verdict was being announced.
This country is exhausting. Why are police officers on regular patrols still being armed with deadly weapons?? Make them lock that shit in their glove compartment or something. Arm them with tasers. It won’t stop some of the police officers from being racist, from abusing their power, or from making poor decisions. But maybe it would stop people— excuse me, kids— like Ma’Khia from getting killed.
I just don’t understand.
Wednesday
On the plus side, flowers continue to grow despite our extreme temperature fluctuations… so there’s that?
Thursday
I was fatigued all week, though I have no specific reason for this. The only explanation I have is that I got too much sleep.
Sleeping too much made me tired.
What has become of my life??
Or maybe it’s my dad’s fault. His phone call woke me from a nap long before I was ready to get up. Nothing like being jolted awake by the buzz of your cell only to answer tech questions asked by the least technologically-savvy person I know. Seriously. He often hangs up on me accidentally because he doesn’t know how to leave the call screen and pull up other apps, and the most mysterious problems arise with his devices— problems I can’t fathom how he created.
I couldn’t help him properly in my groggy state so I text him a few minutes after we got off the phone. “You must be still sleeping. Your certainly dreaming,” is probably the best and harshest comeback he’s ever had, so I can’t even be mad that he used the wrong your.
Friday
Fridays are for puppy pets after an exhausting week. They rejuvenate me somehow.
Saturday
In between YALLWest panels, I went for a walk through the switchbacks and discovered people placing tiny little gnome homes in the trunks of trees. First I just found a little display and smiled. Later on my walk I actually came upon the two women responsible. If I had to guess, I would say a mother and a daughter, but an adult daughter. What a happy little act. It’s nice to be reminded positivity still exists in the world.
The YALLWest panels put smiles on my face, too. I loved listening to the authors talk about their connection to story and characters and the world of words. I especially loved what David Levithan said (shocking, I know, that I would love something he said) about how not all love stories have to end with a couple together. I think what he was saying was this: Love can exist without a happy ending. Or rather, a happy ending can exist without people remaining in love. Those are my words, not his… The point is, sometimes people leave our lives and that’s okay. It doesn’t negate what once existed.
There’s something to this life, there really is. I just have to figure out what.