I’m not entirely sure where the first week of May went, and as I look back at my posts, I realize I’ve been phoning it in— both in my photo journal and in life. I hate that. Who wants to spend their life half-hearted? And I don’t want this picture project to be a thing I have to get done, I want it to be something that lets me be present and appreciate. So it was with renewed vigor that I snapped pics this week, determined to notice, to capture, to be fully there.
Sunday
On Sunday, I visited Proctor Park to take in the Story Walk, something the Utica Public Library put together. I guess I was a few days too late, though. The steady rain and strong winds we’d gotten during the previous week blew down most of the displays.
I’d gone to support Corinne from my morning writing group. I thought I’d take a pic of her story and share it with her, but hers was one I found in a pile of Story Walk debris— skinny slabs of wood, plastic page protectors, and paper. I couldn’t even find all the pages. Half of her story was missing, and the rest lay on the sodden ground. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that’s what had become of her words, and I didn’t have the heart to see others’ works torn apart in the same way, so I turned right around and went home.
Monday
Despite wanting to take on the week with energy and enthusiasm, the week was still long and still took a lot out of me. So much of each day is cleaning desks, telling kids to pull their masks up, and handling one added stress after another (like covering classes when there aren’t substitutes, or letting ISS kids tagalong with you all day when they have no place to put them). Plus, it’s difficult to be sure of the right way forward these days. There’s so much uncertainty surrounding the pandemic, even as things start to open again. It’s been so politicized, and my neurologist has given me so much to think about…
And he changes his friggin’ tune sometimes. Before, he made it sound like it would be only a small risk to return to the school once I was fully vaccinated. During our most recent conversation, however, he stated quite bluntly that he doesn’t want me around large groups of unvaccinated individuals, i.e. my students. The medication I’m on makes me extremely susceptible to any infection, and any infection could make my immune system go haywire and cause another episode.
Teaching online isn’t horrible. But it ain’t great. You miss out on so many small opportunities to smile, to build relationships, to help students. How am I supposed to doodle back on student papers if I’m just grading online?
Tuesday
I created a somewhat separate space for myself in the classroom I share with my co-teacher (and yes, I realize the pointing bitmoji looks a little like it’s flipping everyone off. That’s part of why I like it LOL). I put it right in front of the window and tried to set myself slightly apart from everyone. That doesn’t really work, though. Teaching isn’t sitting behind a desk. And even when I reminded myself that I was supposed to stay back there, students would come right up to me and around the desk to talk with me. So I purchased KN95 masks (since N95 masks are hard to get). Then I sucked it up and purchased a Molekule air purifier for the classroom. Ridiculously expensive, but at least I’ll feel safer.
It was something my neurologist recommended I purchase pre-COVID anyway. I don’t have a proper immune system, so prior to everyone getting sent home last year, I spent the entire school year sick. Not laid-up-in-bed sick, but constantly fighting off a cold because any time a student would catch something, I would get it, too. In short, I think this purchase will be worth it in the long run.
Wednesday
I managed to get myself to workout five days this week. I used to work out six to seven days each week, but ever since I stopped going to the gym, it’s been hard to be consistent. I’m unbelievably grateful to Nick and Ashley for letting me use their garage and equipment— and for posting workouts on their whiteboard— but the situation has turned me into a fair-weather WODer. Rainy day? Skip. Windy day? Meh. Below 55 degrees? Hell naw.
If it weren’t for my bullet journal goals keeping me somewhat motivated, I’d have lost all my muscle mass by now instead of just some of it.
It is nice to workout outside, though, especially when the weather is sunny and mild. We had quite a few days in the mid-sixties with sunshine and while I had to push myself to get my ass over to their house, I found myself relishing the movement in the fresh air.
Thursday
I also realized that one of the cracks in the floor of the garage looks like the profile of a face. This is something I might have actually realized before and forgot about.
Friday
Walks are kind of my thing these days. I love them. The fresh air, the sounds of birds and breezes, the movement. I’ve worked out many a plot problem by taking a writing break and heading outside. Walks with friends are nice, too, and luckily I live by the golf course and the switchbacks. Why is there a pine tree decorated with ornaments on the path? No idea. It’s been like that for at least a year. But it makes me smile. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if that was the reason it was decorated? Simply to make people smile?
Saturday
Spent Saturday morning at my parents with hot coffee and friend dough and puppy pets. Good morning.
Spent Saturday evening watching half a Marvel movie with Taranne after having attempted to make Pad Thai, then conceding that we just needed to order some takeout. Good evening.