I made the most of the summer— I can say that with certainty, and that’s a good feeling. Plus, the decision that destroyed me for the better part of two weeks has started to fade in my rearview because I know I made the right choice. That’s also a good feeling.
Sunday
I spent one more day attempting to catch waves. I managed alright for a good chunk of time, but about an hour and a half in, a creeper encroached on my space. I have a hard time navigating situations like that because, well, everyone has a hard time navigating situations like that. It’s easy to listen to someone’s story (especially if you’re a cis guy) and say, “I would have just insert bravado here.” But it’s never that simple, my friend.
So let’s do a quick sidebar.
I notice the guy watching me. But wait— is he just looking at something in my direction? I’ll paddle over a little further…
I try not to look in his direction too much (and send the wrong signal), but he’s floating closer and closer. Hmm… well, I am where the good waves are.
I decide to go in. I need a break anyway.
I walk up the beach to my things and pull out my water. I sit against the sea wall and look out at the ocean. Which, of course, is when I see he has also gotten out.
And now he’s taking a seat against the sea wall, too. Twenty years down. Ugh.
I notice him looking. Watching. Side-eyeing.
I do my thing and relax for twenty minutes. Maybe if I pay him zero attention he’ll leave me alone. Except, how do I pay him zero attention when he’s STARING at me? The guy is tall with a strong build— stronger than me.
I go back in the water in a different area. I get out past where the waves are breaking. I sit up on my board.
The guy is paddling out towards me.
Now, I admit, there’s a camaraderie of sorts between surfers, especially surfers at the same level. And this guy and I are clearly beginners. So when I look up and we make eye contact (damn it!) and he smiles, I return it with a nod, but then look back out towards the sea.
This apparently was the invitation he’d been waiting for. But, again, camaraderie. So I politely exchange in small talk then turn my attention back to the waves, hoping he will get the hint.
When he asks, “Where are you from?” I answer, “New York,” but don’t ask where he’s from.
He gets closer.
I try to catch a wave, but turn to see that his board is only a five feet away.
“If we both go for this one, we’ll crash into each other,” he says, laughing.
Ha. Ha.
“Yeah… I’ll move over here to give us more room,” I say.
This does nothing to deter him.
I attempt to focus, but ultimately decide to call it a day, since the tide is high at this point anyway. I tell him good luck. I catch a wave. I get out. I gather my things.
I turn around, and there he is.
“Well, we should probably exchange numbers,” he says.
“Why?” I say slowly.
“So we can keep talking.”
“Oh, well like I said, I’m not from around here.”
“I know.”
“I’m not in town long.”
“That’s okay.”
“I just don’t see the point.”
“Oh. I see,” he says, demeanor changing. His expression is defeated, but also dark. Annoyed.
Because he’s definitely the one who should be annoyed. And now I have to keep an eye out for him as I return my surf board and make my way back to my car. I’m alone, after all. Vulnerable.
These types of things happen all the time. And while most of the guys do not have malicious intent, the situation is insidious. And it’s compounded by the fact that I’m often made to feel petty for complaining after. Or I’m made to feel like I’m just telling a story about how irresistible I am. Like I’m fucking bragging. Double ugh.
But the good news is, he didn’t end up being a complete stalker dude. That is to say, he did not follow me from the beach. So that’s a plus.
Monday
After dinner with some guys from the Caribbean, and a solo fireside night, I woke early Monday in time to head to the coastline for sunrise. It was obstructed by clouds, but I wandered to the other side of Judith Point, smiled at the stone stacks, and collected some rocks. Not a bad way to start a Monday.
Tuesday
By Tuesday, I was ready to start getting ready for school. I spent about five hours organizing my reading room and putting it back together (they move things to shampoo the carpet, etc.).
Wednesday
Wednesday was a similar affair. I got folders organized and made copies. I got my plans made, and my Google Drive cleaned up. I chatted with a certain coworker who I didn’t know was coming in— a certain coworker I haven’t seen in about a month who caught me sweating in the heat, donning yoga pants, and sporting a very messy bun. Sigh.
I got a lot of work done, though, and started feeling ready for the year. I’m ready for my routine and my students and the fall weather. There’s stress for sure, but it’s the good kind— the anticipatory kind.
And I went home to find Tyson waiting for me. He’s very happy I’m starting to be home more regularly now.
Thursday
When I was in Rhode Island, my aunt made me feel guilty for not having visited my grandmother more frequently. She was right, though. I should get over to spend time with her more often. I don’t have a good excuse. Sure, I’m busy, but I could squeeze visits in now that they’re allowing them. It’s just… hard. It’s hard to see the diminished, confused woman she’s become.
She’s still in there, though. You get to visit with her for a few moments here and there.
This picture was given to her while I was there by one of the nurses. There’d apparently been conversations about this article with my mom, and the nurse dug around the internet for this old newspaper clipping. It was a delight to see Grammy’s face light up when she was given it, and even more of a delight to hear her stories about the courtship between her and this Jim Weaver fellow I’d never heard of before!
Friday
Steven came back to town Friday with Katrina and the Puxter for a brief overnight stay before they headed up into the Adirondacks. It was nice to spend time with the three of them and enjoy meals made by Mommazzito.
Saturday
A large part of Saturday was spent working on the signs for Nick and Ashley’s wedding. They definitely didn’t kick my OCD into high gear or anything. Actually, all in all, I think I managed Theo better than I would have in the past. I was being a bit of a perfectionist, but I feel like there’s good reason for that. So. Progress.
But holy, fucking shit. The goddamn A & N on this sign were the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.
The bright side? I have finished.