I was feeling a little down this week. I’d been so excited for NaNoWriMo this year because I love the writing community it fosters, and I was antsy to dive into the new story I’ve been kicking around in my head. But it’s been a slog. I’ve had a hard time forcing myself to sit down and write. I just haven’t had the mental space or energy for it. Or the physical energy, for that matter. And that’s been discouraging.
But I told myself I’d focus on the positives for these reflections. The pictures I take are supposed to be of things that bring smiles to my face. Sometimes I love that concept, sometimes I hate it. I love it because every day is filled with bad and good; no day is ever one thing, so let’s look back and remember the moments that brought me joy, connection, inspiration… yada yada. Isn’t that better than reflecting on the things that made me sad or upset?
But if life is both things all the time, am I ignoring half of my experience? Or essentially creating a fake presentation of my experience?
I suspect if I went back and read all of these, I would find that more often than not, I mention the bad with the good, and therefore have not followed my own rules.
Maybe the rules need to be changed for next year? Or maybe there don’t need to be any rules at all? At least part of the point of this exercise is to celebrate the life that I have— to not forget the day-to-day that it’s mostly comprised of, because so often our pictures and albums show us only specific days or vacations or events. They don’t represent the bulk of our time.
Honestly, I’ve been feeling all over the place lately, and that’s clearly reflected in the above ramblings. For now, I’ll try to keep going with the original plan, but I’ll add this quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower:
So this is my life, and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.
Stephen Chbosky
Sunday
While NaNo has been a slog, I’ve still loved every moment of my morning chats with this little group of weirdos who I love.
Tracy is frozen in this picture, which is why I took it— to show her she always freezes in the most flattering poses!
Monday
Elissa from work joined me for yoga at Climb. My yoga practice has been inconsistent this year, and it felt good to get after it on Monday.
Also, contemplated a new hairdo.
Tuesday
I may or may not have lost my shit on my ninth period class. I may or may not have said to them, “There are literally five of you I don’t hate right now.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard my voice get that shrill.
Thankfully, I have Joan as a co-teaching partner. I’m thankful for her, especially when I look at the other pairs of co-teachers. We’re the only unit that works well, and we have each other’s backs in moments like this.
I apologized to the class the next day. I told them I wasn’t my best self, that I hoped we could have a better day together, and that I didn’t hate any of them— I just hated some of their behaviors.
I don’t know… sometimes you just have to wish upon a moon that you’ll wake tomorrow with a better feeling in your stomach.
Wednesday
My critique group once again gave me excellent feedback. I’m not giving up on getting this story published yet…
Also, I do not know how this nut thing ended up on the windowsill of my back porch, but I have left it there because it makes me smirk.
Thursday
Thursday was Veteran’s Day, which meant no school. I’m sorry to say that I did not pay my respect to veterans in any way (even though my brother is one); I simply appreciated the day off. I needed it. Although I suppose getting my COVID booster shot is a way of paying respect, because I’m being a good citizen unlike so many others. And that shit knocked me on my ass again.
But not before I was able to take this selfie with my new bed-head. Not bad for being slept on.
Friday
I got another StitchFix in the mail. Every three months I get one, and I have to say, I love my stylist. I love the notes we exchange and the pieces they send. I don’t know if they’re a guy or girl or both or neither. But they brighten my day.
Saturday
Friendsgiving! I was in a writing slump the whole time, but it was lovely to be with Joannie, Tracy, Corrine, and Kurt in person— to share a meal and laughter and coffee and cake.
And Joannie bought us all mugs! I adore her.